Diary

Day 3: Conduct of Christians

“Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.”

Ephesians 4:25-27 ESV

I am confronted again and again over the years on a flaw and how much I have rationalized it away, is always a prick or a thorn in my soul. A Christian ought to have conducted themselves above reproach, and above questionable integrity, and how this part is something I’ve kept God away for ages, hoping God will overlook this part of my life. Truth is, if God is truly my God and my Father, He won’t overlook nor ignore the part that makes his son unwhole.

It is extremely heartwrenching that when God deals with me in this area and there are other areas that I need to give to God as well. Besides that, I can’t seem to let go, and there comes anger, uncontrollable rage, that sometimes as a result, I’ve hurt people. It is almost impossible to be angry and not sin, it is improbable to confront my sins and not feel the weight of its consequences crashing down on my spirit, knowing that I should do the right thing, because by not doing what I know is right, is sin.

I dare not face the truth because of its consequences, for I know not much strength in me to meet the aftermath. It is at this time, I often wonder will God save me? A sinner, will He look at me with mercy?

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