Diary Thoughts

The idea of Solitude

It was in a supposedly CG (Cell Group) that I realised Christians are some of the most unfriendly people on earth, including myself apparently; of which I was put in a group with another person for some sharing and she practically turned off the screen. I was thinking of how awful and rude that person is, and I was thinking that’s it, I had enough of such people and screw it; I am done with the CG which I summed up as an absolute waste of my time mugging with shallow and rude people. While over the weekend, Mercy and I were just browsing some books at the bookstore after dinner and we came across a book by Malcolm Gladwell call “Talking to Strangers”, and well it was quite an unique book about how misunderstandings can affect strangers, and that got me thinking over the years, despite of obeying God’s voice to give, and somehow in my standard, more than generous, what did I get in return from the people I have ‘blessed’? Nothing, not a shred of friendship or hint of it to be exact. I was just doing some mental recollection of the 10 bicycles, 3 cameras, 1 really expensive guitar, money to help out someone in need, and the list goes on, and looking at those, not one of them offered the kind of friendship that I can really lean on like sharing my struggles etc. It is not like I trade favours and gifts with their friendship, but I guess friendship is really overrated. From today on, I will not offer anything or give anything to anyone else including help to strangers, and why should I since I have never been one at the receiving end of the blessings anyway. Guess I am just bitter, and it is time to really let go off those bitterness and get on with life with getting over it the fact I should survive with being alone in this journey, and I can’t even share my thoughts, worries, burdens with my wife too; because she will just comment that I am childish, immature, etc. What’s the point and all I can do, is really to talk to myself.

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